return from the lost (2) week(s).

So, I think I might have been suffering brain death the nearly two weeks I was M.I.A. Well, no, in reality I was suffering academic death in which I was (and continue to be) commuting back and fourth between my two separate schools for classes, rehearsals, the two weekends of the show... the list of places and excuses goes on and on. Oh, and after being involved in my first minor car accident (shock alert: it was not, in fact, my fault) I haven't had a car to drive for a week and a half. Which, of course, made the whole commuting thing infinitely more fun.

So, after catching up with a lot of class, spending a lot of long hours, dropping two classes that were ultimately just going to plummet my GPA, and doing a lot of explaining ... I made a cake.

Cake in point: Oozing.

I made this beauty (or, rather, potential beauty - in a rush I completely disregarded my melty frosting and runny fudge in an effort to simply get the damn thing made) for our closing night cast party. This was a double-layer marble cake with mocha mousse, crushed Joe-Joe and graham cracker filling with coffee buttercream frosting and hot fudge topping. It might have made a lovely slice - if the freaking sweet was devoured by twenty hungry mouths and forks digging into one communal plate.

I have to say... it was pretty goddamn good. At least, I sure liked it and I had received a roster of birthday-cake requests by the end of the night.

I like crazy, overdone, outlandish cakes. Most pastries I want simple: flaky fruit scones, sweet and sticky cinnamon buns, custard tarts. Cakes, however, need at least at tri-fold flavor combination, as many layers as time allows, and tower-high toppings. This isn't a half hour at Rachel Ray's... it's hell in Ace's kitchen (sans all that Ace of Cakes talent and whatnot). Even when I don't have the patience to really flesh out the appearance of a cake, I need it to literally ooze variety and sugar.

I'm supremely frustrated about this whole MoFo Fail business, though. Not because I feel like I've disappointed anyone - I mean, really, who exactly was chained to their computer, on hunger strike until another post came through? - but because this was going to be some fun posting, and all I can serve up are tired cake stories and droning whines. Hopefully I can continue to the post stream into November, though. It's never too late to make up for lost time! Until you're dead. Then, yeah. It is a little too late to make up for lost time.

Joe-Joe, anyone?

the thirty second cake.

This post is aptly named; thirty seconds is about as much time as I've got to post this. I know my lack of forethought has deprived the masses of pictures, and for that I send my due apologies. I really despise a retelling of food nary a single lighted culinary pose to tempt and tantalize, even if the resulting cross-section of a cake looks more like the cross-section of a carcass. And in all fairness, the thing just wasn't that pretty anyway.

I've been getting home very late this past week. In fact, I haven't been home much for the past two weeks, and it's taking a clear toll on my diet and mood. But alas, my complaints are for another day and have near wiped me out already. Only a few more days and a "normal" schedule will return...

But, I'm sure the claim that a cake can be made in the span of thirty seconds has intrigued. Of course, it is false; you cannot even open your cabinet and find the vanilla extract in under thirty seconds (perhaps that's just me and my disorganization...). But you can make a mini-cake - a CUPcake if you will - very, very quickly.

You remember Easy-Bake ovens? Of course you do, even if you didn't have one. They're the epitome of nostalgia, the crowning glory of kitsch! I had a Mrs. Field's oven. I fucking loved that thing. I went through the packages of sweets in mere hours, I'm sure, and insisted in keeping the lightbulb-powered convection in my room because although my room was barely a person's height away from the kitchen, it was like my own personal bakery. A year or so ago I wondered whatever happened to it and discovered my mother had sold it on eBay - not even a week before my inquiry! Needless to say a small fit was thrown then and there. After all I have a package of movie stubs from middle school - why wouldn't I want to keep my culinary passion's one tie to my childhood?! The poor schmuck of a children's toy never even saw the beauty of a cruelty-free brownie.

I was amused and delighted to find that The 100 Best Vegan Baking Recipes by Kris Holechek includes a small chapter dedicated to "Lil'" this-and-that desserts fit perfectly for the kitsch-tastic, retro-kitchen-chic appliance. However, as my previous anecdote explains, I am without such a "toy" (if it can even be called that... it's a childhood necessity). Instead, I glanced at the ingredients, threw them together, and popped it in the microwave for one minute. When it looked done (after about 30-40 seconds), I tested for moistness with a toothpick and voila - personal ramekin cake! (I did indeed bake my sweet in a cup-size ramekin.)

The microwave makes it significantly gummier than baked cake, though you can certain bake it in a countertop toaster oven or even a regular-sized convection oven (though why would you and waste all that energy?). The center however is still fluffy and cake like, and when all you have are those thirty seconds to satisfy a dessert craving there's no real harm done. This would never be something I'd serve, but in a sweet-less pinch I'd make it.

Baby Cakes in Thirty Seconds

adapted from The 100 Best Vegan Baking Recipes

More than 1 tablespoon all-purpose flour

1/4 teaspoon baking powder

1 tablespoon sugar

More than 1 tablespoon milk

A little pour oil

Grease one cup-size ramekin lightly with oil. Stir together the flour, baking powder, and sugar in the ramekin, create a small well, then add milk and oil. Stir quickly with a fork or small whisk. Microwave for 30 seconds, check, microwave for another thirty seconds. Center will be dry when done and a toothpick is inserted. The top should be spongy and will be a little gummy. Top with jam, ice cream, leftover frosting, whatever... it's your cake. All yours and none to share!

the accomplishments of summer.

So far, they have included the following: a) Catching up on the last season of Scrubs. b) Eating a ton of fresh strawberries. c) Making the money I spent on Netflix for the past six months worthwhile, and d) loading up on the newest and most bitchin' innovations in vegan cookbook publishing.

Namely, the titles I was most eager to get a hold of are Babycakes, The Vegan Scoop, and Vegan Brunch.

I don't shop a lot. I am utter clothes-whoring, fashion junkie, this I will admit. But I have the most difficult time parting with my dollar. I drive all my shopping companions crazy because on the rare occasion that I am prepared to fork over my debit card, I spend at least half an hour in front of the dressing room mirror trying on even one article and double that time carrying it around the store. And even then it's no guarantee I won't return it within the week.

And then there's food. And cookbooks. And suddenly the money I was so stingy with at the Nordstrom clearance rack: gone. (Starting sentences with a conjunction pissing you off yet?)

I haven't bothered with posting my largely noninteresting meals from the past couple months. It's been a lot of leftovers, frozen dinners, and cereals. There's been the occassional baked good and tasty meal out, but truth be told squeezing in time to photograph has just not been a priority. So why the hell would I post without some remotely interesting visual? I'm no tease.

But it's summer, bitch - BUST OUT THEM WHISKS AND PYREX BOWLS, MOTHERFUCKER.

Vegan Brunch was the last book I bought, purchased on publishing day. (I wait for no one.) So far, I have not taken advantage of its luscious promises of Pain au Chocolat and Cherry Sage Sausages, but I did manage the East Coast Coffeecake for Father's Day with a jam swirl.


Eh, suckass lighting. Messy plating. But you see that crumb? Luscious, fatty, sugary, lumpy (in the most succulent way) crumb? A-MAZING. My dad did not exactly request a healthy or even vegetarian-friendly Father's Day dinner, so I took care of breakfast by replacing the AP flour with whole wheat pastry and the cake's oil with applesauce. It was still a great cake, but a little chewy and lacked the crumbly quality that I like my coffeecakes to fall apart into as I cut them. The cake didn't store well, either - though the melty, soft topping combined with the room-temperature jam swirl was just as enjoyable the next day.


I leave you now with a chocolate-swirl cheesecake and an excellent Scrubs clip. Not much to say about it - it was cheesecake. Fatty and fucking tasty. Rather pretty too aside from some very lazy photography, I would add. (The cheesecake, not Scrubs.)



I intend to divulge more adventures of flipping through my new friends cookbooks very, very soon. Anyone else have reviews (more detailed and substantial than mine, I hope) about new cookbooks, those or others?

it's still alive.

I apologize for having abandoned my baby, Blog. It's the same old "busy" spiel - school, shows, and whatnot. Apparently I only make time when I'm on the verge of death sick. Illness - it spreads like wildfire among with the group when you spend no less than two months virtually living with your castmates. Unfortunately I will have much more free time starting next week (possibly the only time in my academic career that I will say "unfortunately") when our current production, Twelfth Night is over. It's been a great couple months and I'll be sobbing into my closing-night cake come Saturday when it's over. 

The above shots are of some of my most recent deals in the kitchen - a friend with my birthday cake from earlier in the month (I did indeed bake my own birthday cake), Vanilla-Hazelnut Cake filled with Mocha-Hazelnut Mousse, Chocolate Joe-Joe's, and topped with Chocolate Ganache and Toasted Hazelnuts, and buchty rolls from a magnificent bread book I bought at Border's on super-clearance.Valentine's Day was a treat as well - my "wife" and I celebrated with a Banana's Foster "wedding cake" from My Sweet Vegan. I baked, she got down on one knee with an enormous plastic keyring ring. All very romantic.

Also, I am very excited to be exploring photography more intently with the Nikon D60 I got for Christmas. More food porn in store, of course.