the thirty second cake.

This post is aptly named; thirty seconds is about as much time as I've got to post this. I know my lack of forethought has deprived the masses of pictures, and for that I send my due apologies. I really despise a retelling of food nary a single lighted culinary pose to tempt and tantalize, even if the resulting cross-section of a cake looks more like the cross-section of a carcass. And in all fairness, the thing just wasn't that pretty anyway.

I've been getting home very late this past week. In fact, I haven't been home much for the past two weeks, and it's taking a clear toll on my diet and mood. But alas, my complaints are for another day and have near wiped me out already. Only a few more days and a "normal" schedule will return...

But, I'm sure the claim that a cake can be made in the span of thirty seconds has intrigued. Of course, it is false; you cannot even open your cabinet and find the vanilla extract in under thirty seconds (perhaps that's just me and my disorganization...). But you can make a mini-cake - a CUPcake if you will - very, very quickly.

You remember Easy-Bake ovens? Of course you do, even if you didn't have one. They're the epitome of nostalgia, the crowning glory of kitsch! I had a Mrs. Field's oven. I fucking loved that thing. I went through the packages of sweets in mere hours, I'm sure, and insisted in keeping the lightbulb-powered convection in my room because although my room was barely a person's height away from the kitchen, it was like my own personal bakery. A year or so ago I wondered whatever happened to it and discovered my mother had sold it on eBay - not even a week before my inquiry! Needless to say a small fit was thrown then and there. After all I have a package of movie stubs from middle school - why wouldn't I want to keep my culinary passion's one tie to my childhood?! The poor schmuck of a children's toy never even saw the beauty of a cruelty-free brownie.

I was amused and delighted to find that The 100 Best Vegan Baking Recipes by Kris Holechek includes a small chapter dedicated to "Lil'" this-and-that desserts fit perfectly for the kitsch-tastic, retro-kitchen-chic appliance. However, as my previous anecdote explains, I am without such a "toy" (if it can even be called that... it's a childhood necessity). Instead, I glanced at the ingredients, threw them together, and popped it in the microwave for one minute. When it looked done (after about 30-40 seconds), I tested for moistness with a toothpick and voila - personal ramekin cake! (I did indeed bake my sweet in a cup-size ramekin.)

The microwave makes it significantly gummier than baked cake, though you can certain bake it in a countertop toaster oven or even a regular-sized convection oven (though why would you and waste all that energy?). The center however is still fluffy and cake like, and when all you have are those thirty seconds to satisfy a dessert craving there's no real harm done. This would never be something I'd serve, but in a sweet-less pinch I'd make it.

Baby Cakes in Thirty Seconds

adapted from The 100 Best Vegan Baking Recipes

More than 1 tablespoon all-purpose flour

1/4 teaspoon baking powder

1 tablespoon sugar

More than 1 tablespoon milk

A little pour oil

Grease one cup-size ramekin lightly with oil. Stir together the flour, baking powder, and sugar in the ramekin, create a small well, then add milk and oil. Stir quickly with a fork or small whisk. Microwave for 30 seconds, check, microwave for another thirty seconds. Center will be dry when done and a toothpick is inserted. The top should be spongy and will be a little gummy. Top with jam, ice cream, leftover frosting, whatever... it's your cake. All yours and none to share!

snow survivor.

In my near seventeen years living this side of the Cascades, never have I seen this much snow. It's outrageous. I haven't really been able go beyond ten minutes of my home since Tuesday. These shots were taken just a few days ago to demonstrate just how much it has piled on, but has snowed even more since.

Yet, I'm surviving. How? The sugar-induced holiday baking highs, of course. Now that times are tight for all of us, there is no better or quicker (or more foolproof, when you lack the basic patience or talent for handcrafts as I do) homemade gift than baked goods. And that's no revelation - likely anyone who reads this has sent off their tins of shortbread and peppermint bark weeks ago. I personally love to bake plentiful batches of biscotti; characterized by being "better with age" they travel well when freshness is not as big an issue. Not to mention there's nothing I love more than dipping the leftovers in my morning coffee.

And the testing continues! Our latest mission from Hannah has been Persimmon Blondies. However, with the aforementioned terror that is our current icy road situation I haven't been able to search very far for the elusive fruit. One of Hannah's substitution suggestions was applesauce, though, which I happened to have plenty of on hand.

The verdict? INCREDIBILITY. Serious. Between the unusual spice addition, the fudginess, the inability to go wrong with a healthy dose of chocolate chips, these bars are blowing my freaking mind. Do I feel this way because attempt after attempt of homemade blondies have disappointed in the past? Could it be because I'll eat anything warm, stuffed with gooey chocolate, and sandwiched with ice cream? Whatever it may be, these hit a home run with me. I'd love to try these using the persimmons, but at the moment I don't believe I'm lacking any of its intended melodious, spicey, and fudgy outcome. Easy, came together well, baked well - beautiful.

Switching gears for a moment, I would like to leave you with the Feather. A very resourceful cat she may be, and I don't blame her for seeking out the warmest spot available even when she has more than one large and cushy cat bed lying about the house. But for readers of Fail Blog, I'd call the cable box an epic bed fail.

ewie ew.

Animal lover I may be, but a fan of bugs I am not. I don't mind them when they're, you know, outside in their natural habitat. Yes, yes, bugs are animals - I don't wish them harm or seek to kill them when they're in my home, I am just very squeamish with the creepy crawlies. They evoke connotations of dirtiness and incessant buzzing. I am most terrified of spiders, but I can't even stand slugs. Slugs. You know, those things that haven't moved more than an inch between the time you first saw them, got up and ate something, watched a movie, wrote, directed, and starred in a movie, and came back to see if they're still there. Yeah, I'm afraid of those too.

And if I see a bee? You would think I'd been out and out swarmed by them by the way I scream and dance away. This is probably one of my more justified fears (irrational perhaps, but justified) because everything gave me hives as a kid. I haven't had an outbreak in years, but I was a very allergic child. I convinced myself so early on that I would be allergic to bees if I were ever stung that if I were to be now, I'd probably have an allergic reaction out of sheer paranoia.

So why the manifesto on why bugs freak me out? Because my house is absolutely infested. With gnats. Mother-effing fruit flies. I looked it up and apparently gnats are attracted to sink drains, trash bins and compost bins, and fresh fruit. And because I'm all green and what not with my let's-not-waste! attitude to compliment the what I thought was a sufficiently covered compost bin in the pantry, and because I like the enzymes in my bananas and tomatoes to remain active, and because I have plumbing like most people... I had all those things. And now the kitchen is really fucking infested. The situation reiterates itself in the morning when I wander in and the coffee pot that was left out (not by me, mind you, because I take my coffee single-serve) is teeming with them. Fan-freaking-tastic.

I'm afraid to walk into my kitchen. It has established a blockade between me and my favorite pastime - eating. I'm so frustrated.

We have a couple of those sticky strips that attract the gnats and have tried to control their other sources of attraction. It seems to helping, a little. Right now I'm just trying to control the problem before I have to resort to sprays or poisons, which I really, really don't want to do.

edit: The number of them have actually subsided; sealing off food more and the strips seem to have helped.